I paint directly onto the canvas: I don’t sketch first. I like to build structure with color.
I relinquish notions of absolute truth while intentionally working to disrupt the established. It is through this process, that an adjustment takes place, culminating in an agreement composing differences.
My painting then becomes the act, or process, of settling an inner argument, or disagreement, with my notion of reality as it has been routinely accepted by me. A flux occurs, creating a progressive version of ‘reality’, and a region is newly settled within the confines of the canvas.
A new form of communication and environment crystallizes within an original form of perception and pleasure.
Susanna Ruebsaat, my Art Therapy teacher, reads a paragraph from “Wisdom of the Psyche,” by Ginette Paris who was one of her teachers at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Santa Barbara, California. Paris wrote this after recovering from a very serious head injury.
“Love of One’s Fate: Amor Fati; a love of one’s story.
I’m a participant in my own drama! A love of what is.
Even my messes are my own. I’m able to feel.”
A love of what is and a love of what is becoming.
Know the form in which one’s destiny unfolds.
This form of psychological creativity eventually leads to what the ancients call: Amor fati.
Dionysian attitude: A desire to know the specific form in which one’s destiny unfolds.
Loving Your Life: “How could it be other-wise.” (N.R. Rigets)
Susanna refers to my clay sculptures and mentions how my first was so rough and my second was so smooth. Yes, there is an amazing contrast (and contract) between the 2 female forms.
I respond with, “Life is rough and as I practice life it becomes smoother.”
Acceptance of what is and love of what it is becoming.
Today was of the special variety that I experience randomly and want to add more of to my life. It’s a day when nothing can ruffle me; I sail along with no fears, no worries, no upsets. I didn’t have any concrete plans made in advance so I didn’t have to get snarly when life moved impulsively into my morning. Instead of writing this post at 2 p.m., as I intended, I got together with a friend who rang just to see if we could meet for coffee in my neighborhood. Painting the day with flexibility keeps me happy. There is no need to routinely cross off the must-do’s on the list in any special order. What doesn’t get finished today can be added to tomorrow’s list. Was I blissful because nothing went sideways throughout the day? Or was it my fresh attitude and faith in life itself that brought unequivocal and dynamic energy into my realm, in perfect synch with others, rewarding me with the wonderful feelings I attracted.
I was careful to watch my thoughts today and keep them supported upward. Being negative never allows me to fulfill my dreams or handle risk taking. Rather than resisting intrusions I make the decision to embrace them and redesign the day. The recapture of energy by not forcing my will on on the clock is abundant. If, however, I keep repeating I’m too busy and can’t fit anything in, guess what happens: exactly what I’ve told myself and the world returns what I’ve told it to. I give the Universe a chance to understand I am communicating to receive positive vibes and outcomes. It sounds corny yet I was amazed that what I had read about does work perfectly well.
I started off out the door of our building to see my friend Sonny and as I approached the intersection I looked up into the sky to identify a bird flying in slow circles. Too big to be a crow, I realized it was a baby eagle. The circles he was making were small, baby circles. Even birds show a respect for the young as they left him alone to practice learning his flight patterns. Adult eagles get verbally blasted and dive-bombed by crows and seagulls in our area but this little guy was left in peace.
I was early to meet Sonny and I remembered a conversation yesterday with one of my very close friends. They mentioned taking things slow because they did not want to miss a step or mis-step; or worse, make a mis-take as they proceeded along a new path. I was surprised. I’m a risk taker so I am impulsive; quite the opposite of this person. But like the baby eagle, if I think I can fly I will try it. If I lose a few feathers or make other birds laugh I don’t mind. I might get a little red in the face but I’m living and alive!!
What if baby birds wouldn’t try to fly because they were afraid of falling or failing. What if they would only fly if they could form perfect circles. It’s not in our nature to be perfect; it’s something that is learned and practiced once we leave childhood and compete and work in an ego-based outside world. A world outside of ourselves where we may have to compensate for shaky self-esteem. It’s not healthy to thwart ourselves when we can blast off and get to the core of our quest.
I told my friend that holding back didn’t make sense; that it’s ego talking. Ego that thinks everyone is watching us, waiting for us to make a faux pas, and then ridicule us. Yet everyone fails their way to success. Even rocks, as steady as they are, will take a fall at some point in their stony life. The last thing we need is to stay in one spot and never move because we’ve let our ego fill our minds with nonsense.
At Art School no one tells you how to do things. There will be a short talk, and if you’re lucky a demonstration, but no one can do it for you because they don’t have your mind, body , and spirit. Only you can make the finished work by experimenting. Marcus Bowcott, my painting teacher says, “You’ve gotta’ break a few eggs to make an omelet!” Go ahead and scramble into something new. Don’t listen to your head, listen to your heart. The heart holds only love: no fear. Never pull back when the momentum takes you on a roll to a passion for what you were meant to do.
I just tore a week off the calendar and in a sweep of the arm the week was gone. It woke me up with the thought that every moment must be loved: have, think, and do only what you love! Be the little eagle who loves to fly.